I won't lie I have been avoiding writing this particular post, but God has put it on my heart quite a bit recently so here goes.
My junior year of high school on Graduation day I lost my grandfather. I can not tell you that my faith remained unwaivered, because that would not be true. For many months after my grandfather passed away I was very angry with God. Why had he let this happen? Why couldn't I have gotten to him sooner? Why now? So many questions, that I may never have the answer to. The only thing that helped was visiting him at the cemetery. I would go and have a coffee with him and just cry or talk whichever my heart really needed that day. Somehow those visits gave me peace. I finally found myself okay with the loss my heart had endured trusting that God's plan was intentional and good. In January of 2014 my world was shaken once more I lost my Gram. Once more I was angry at God furious that again I was consumed by unanswered questions. This time God needed me to snap out of it and remember that He was in control and that the pain my heart felt would soon feel peace. About as month after losing her God gave me an opportunity to talk with a woman who just lost her son to a heart attack (the very thing I lost Gram to) it was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever had, giving this woman words of hope as I knew all to well what she was going through. After our exchange a smile came over my face only God could turn my deepest hurt into a gift for someone else in need.
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16: 33
These were a few of my go to bible verses during the times I struggled with trusting that God was working in the middle of my storm.
Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday, but it is also when my heart aches just a little more than normal. It is when my house has one less stocking to hang. It is the time I miss the things I never thought I wouldn't have. It is a quiet tear filled trip to visit my grandfather for his birthday. It is a struggle even now that I know my God is for me and He will renew me each day. It is a struggle even though most days I embrace His unexplainable peace. I know I am not alone in having lost someone that I loved and I don't live in a fantasy land where I think it will never happen again. I chose this time of year to write this, because I know this is when I struggle. I write this so you know you are not alone. I write this so you know it is okay to struggle with loss. I write this so you have hope in God. I write this so you know you have someone to talk to.
Here's what I can tell you, each day you wake up knowing God has a plan and sometimes we never fully understand that plan it will be easier to do life. Each day you struggle and take that time to say "God it's hard today and I don't understand this, but I need your peace" His peace will overwhelm you. Each day you surrender to Him will be a weight off your shoulders. Don't feel bad for struggling we are only humans and some days are just plain hard. But please don't ever forget that God did not promise an easy life with no trouble in fact he was honest and told us that we would have trouble, but to take heart for He has overcome the world.
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